New column: You can’t make this s**t up

This is the part where I regale you with stories from my past. Stories that make you do a double-take of disbelief. And you probably won’t believe me, but I swear they happened. They really, really happened and sometimes, I wish they didn’t.

For this issue: My brief yet weird and scary experiences with a guy’s Catholic school girl fetish (maybe) and bringing out some guy’s “animal within.”

You better believe it, folks. Those two separate instances really did happen, both in college. I came from an all-girls Catholic school (which I actually loved because the school and the people in it were great) and I had a bunch of male friends that I regularly hung out with because we lived in the same area. I took pride in the fact that I was one-of-the-boys, that I can be surrounded by guys and I don’t feel different around them, that I could give quick comebacks and make them laugh. I guess I overestimated myself when I finally switched schools in college. For the first time in 13 years, the school campus had boys — the cafeteria, the classrooms, the library, P.E. classes, etc. I had to adjust to the environment the first few weeks. I was actually shocked to hear green jokes being thrown around so casually. I was shocked at the words coming out of their mouths. (I guess my guy friends back at home spared me that side of them.) Eventually, I adjusted and took things in stride.

The uniform request

And then something happened. I don’t know if it was just me but I found it odd… I was talking to this guy in the cafeteria. We weren’t close but I see him around and we talk casually at times. When he learned that I came from this particular all-girls school, he asked if I still kept my uniform. Not thinking too much about it, I nodded and said yeah, I think it’s still somewhere in the house. The conversation went something along these lines:

Him: Can I borrow it?
Me: Um, why would you want to borrow it?
Him: I’m going to use it as reference for this comics I’m creating.
Me: Oh, okay.
Him: Is the uniform yours?
Me: Yes, it’s mine.
Him: So can I have it?
Me: *silence*
Him: If you don’t need it anymore, can you give it to me? I’m going to have it framed and put it in my room.
Me: *still silent because I was totally caught off-guard*

Maybe it’s just me but I felt uncomfortable giving him my old school uniform, knowing he’ll have it framed and then hung on the wall of his bedroom. Please tell me I’m not alone in this.

Slammed against the wall

Back in college, I wasn’t only one-of-the-boys. I was geeky. Like, glasses and braces kind of geeky, whose hobbies were writing, reading, and coding websites. (Press the full-on geek mode button on!) And where other girls preferred to wear their plaid skirts quite short, I had mine grazing my knees. I wore sensible flat shoes. I am the least inspiring girl who would make a guy’s hormones run amok. So just imagine my surprise when this happened:

I was in the hallway, talking to a close friend (a girl). Then a classmate (a guy) comes up to us. We started talking and then. And then out of nowhere, he blurted out, “You bring out the animal in me!” I was still reeling from his words and the look on his face when he suddenly grabbed my shoulders and then pretty much slammed me against the wall. (It didn’t hurt, though.) I wasn’t sure what to make of that. I tried convincing myself he was just kidding, but my mind was still dumbfounded from what he said, the intense expression on his face, him looming in front of me, and finding myself suddenly with my back against the wall, his hands on my shoulders. I couldn’t move, couldn’t utter a word. That was when my friend (the girl) yanked back the guy and yelled at him, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” The guy apologized and said he was just joking.


True stories, folks. I kid you not. There are other instances, both in high school and college, of the same nature. Example: This old man kept staring at me while I was eating something. I knew he was staring because I caught him looking twice. The second time I caught him, I looked him in the eye and made a face to scare him off. That didn’t work. He kept staring. I was 18 that time, eating a lollipop. His stare… It was both scary and annoying. *shudder*

Do other girls experience the same things? I used to come across guys like that regularly. It boggles the mind. It really does. I mean, there’s nothing outstanding about me. I’m petite and pale, with dark and disheveled hair. I wore glasses and braces. My face is pretty unremarkable. I neither have dimples nor pretty, sparkly eyes. I hardly wore make-up. (My only concession to beauty back then was cherry flavored Chapstick.) I laugh like a hyena on steroids. I am not girly. I have the grace of an elephant hurtling across the air. So I have come to the simple conclusion: It’s the uniform. It must be my school uniform.