Lifestyle Sober

Life Plans: This huge heart + chasing UAE (probably, maybe)

I know I should probably give an update regarding my social media break. It’s not going as planned, to be honest. Twitter broke me; I caved. Facebook followed suit. Instagram and Snapchat are the only channels I managed to not touch again. But were there some changes after taking a break for a couple of days? Really, truly. Fast facts:

  1. My internet usage in my phone has been reduced to… I’m not very good at figures, so let me just say that whereas I used to suck out my internet usage for a day, I can now stretch my usage to three days. If that isn’t an improvement, I don’t know what is.
  2. My phone has more extended battery life. Obviously.
  3. I was finally able to sit down and write some plans and goals for this year. Concrete ones. Actionable items. It’s the real deal, people! *does a tap dance* (I don’t really tap dance.)

Was there a difference in how I now use my social media accounts compared to prior the break? That’s another post for another time. But back to fact #3: Plans and goals. Throw in a few realizations, because where’s the fun in taking a social media break if you don’t take the time to stew and wallow in self-criticism and self-doubt? Here are two of those plans goals:

I’ll be damned, Cupid’s demanding back his arrow…

I have this weakness for really creamy, really sweet coffee. And notebooks with smooth papers and lines with just the right spaces in between. I also have a weakness for my friends. Real friends. This is going to sound odd (and maybe even pompous, but I don’t mean to sound pompous so please don’t think of it that way), but growing up I had a penchant for taking under my wing the ones considered weird, if not outcasts, in school. I didn’t like the way some kids were making fun of them or how the “weird” ones didn’t feel pretty enough or liked well enough. So I forged friendships with them. Spent time with them. Encouraged them. Cheered them on, so to speak. And when they finally had enough courage to go around walking without their shoulders slumped, with that eager sparkle in their eyes, then I knew I was able to help. I liked helping them. I liked seeing them grow and blossom. You’re probably thinking: ACK! ARGH! Where is this oddball going with this tidbit? AH. But here comes the kicker, folks:

You know that one guy you like more than the others? The one you wouldn’t admit to catching your interest, everyone else’s opinions be damned? Yeah, well. Guess what? I had this brilliant, BRILLIANT idea of asking him if he could go on a blind date with my friend. He was all “Why are you doing this?” and “Haha.” I know I sound crazy. I mean, why give away this guy that I obviously like very much if I can’t have him for myself? AH. But what if he’ll be happy with someone else? See, that’s how I see things. I may not be right in the head for thinking this way, but I figured… Well, he doesn’t like me and he just sees me as a friend. But what if his chance at being truly happy was with someone else and that someone else was my friend? And if I didn’t offer him that chance, what kind of a horrible friend would I be? More so, who am I to keep him away from all the other girls when he’s not even mine? Also, my friend (the girl) needs someone. What if he is that someone? What if my purpose in his life was to find that kind of happiness for him?

It’s a weakness: Putting those who matter to me first before myself.

Chasing that 4383 miles to put these fears to rest

I never thought I’d be thisclose to packing my bags and flying all the way there. (I said thisclose because I still have my doubts here.) It’s hitting two birds with one stone: I get to put my fears to rest and get my questions answered once I talk to him (the ex). At the same time, I get to take a vacation. A much needed vacation. I’m not going to say more, as nothing is concrete with this plan. I mean, it’s not a small thing to hop on a plane, on my own, and go to a place where the culture is totally, totally different. (Not to mention the timezone. The timezone is sure to screw me up.)

I won’t regret it, because I know that it’s going to help me grow as a person. For better or for worse, if this plan actually pushes through, I’ll know that once again I have managed to face my fears. And I’ll come back a different person, one who lived to tell the tales of modern heartbreak and adventures.

I’m not sure where these things are going, but hopefully they’ll be going somewhere good. Good for me. But right now, let me leave you with this Barney quote: